I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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