I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
