So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
