Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
