Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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