well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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