it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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