That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
