So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
