Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
