You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
