the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
