i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
