im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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