My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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