You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
