we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
