If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
