Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Apparently you make a good broom.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
