Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
