My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
