the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
