I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
nutella sex= disaster
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
