she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
