Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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