I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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