Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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