I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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