i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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