The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I know her cup size but not her name....
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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