if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
