Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
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Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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