I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
worst night to have a conscience
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
