I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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