just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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