Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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