He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
