....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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