so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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