her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
