I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
