How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
