Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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