i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
