I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
