and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
