the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
