i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
