He asked to "fluff my boner.."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
