I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
