I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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