i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
it hurts more in the daytime
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
