So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize