So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize