why didn't you poke me back
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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