no, he came in my armpit
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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