I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
