Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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