every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
