Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
