she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
