All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
