Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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