I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's never too late to be topless.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
