your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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