she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
