hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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