just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
