Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Enjoy the penises
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
